Title: I am 35 years old, I made $67,665 gross last year (between multiple jobs) and live in Buffalo and work in higher education and retail.
This is my 5th MD update. Previous MDs in June 2019, October 2019, February 2020, and July 2020.
Ref29 questions: Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? Absolutely. Both of my parents have bachelors degrees, and it wasn’t even a conversation of “if” I was going to college, but “where”. I ended up going to a private 4-year college, with a 75% merit scholarship. I was able to pay for the first semester with savings bonds/general savings, but took out loans for the remaining semesters. I worked 2 on campus jobs (tour guide and TA), plus at a coffee shop - this was more for spending money/gas etc. Looking back, I wish that I had put more of that income aside for paying for school, but I was definitely headlong into the student loan trap of “it’s ok, this is good debt….blah blah.”
I thought that i had the exact idea of what I wanted to do for a career - and that basically required a masters degree - so I went straight to grad school after undergrad. Private - and took out the maximum student loans for both years. I cannot stress what a terrible financial idea this was. The last half of my MA was in DC, so I used the loans for rent/food, as I had a full time unpaid internship. Long story short, what I thought was my career goal wasn’t.
I am FINALLY nearly done paying off my loans. If I had to go back and give my past self advice, it would have been to not go to grad school directly after undergrad. I still might have gotten my masters, but I would have done it in a much more financially responsible way.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances? We had conversations growing up - but it was much more of a conversation now that I’m an adult. I’ve noted in past MDs, but my parents have told us that they regret not being able to help us all more as teenagers/college/young adults, so they’ve been extremely supportive of my focus on debt repayment.
Did you worry about money growing up? Not really. I remember being conscious about it - we didn’t have new cars (EVER - like it’s still a thing), and we used coupons/budgets/bulk freezer meals for shopping, but I think a portion of that was that there were 4 of us kids. We were all involved in a variety of extracurricular activities as well, but I don’t remember even being like, limited or restricted from doing anything.
Do you worry about money now? Absolutely.
While I am noting that I’m making progress, it is still very overwhelming. It’s really hard for me not to beat myself up when I either buy “treats” or things that aren’t really treats, but are just home comforts. I finally bought myself 2 sets (!) of decent sheets this past month after having 1 set of crappy sheets for the last 2 years lol. I still have so much work to do, on debt repayment, fully funding my emergency fund, and (massive goal here) saving for a down payment on a house.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net? I would say I was financially responsible for myself when I moved for grad school in the fall of 2008 (so when I was 22/23).
That being said, I definitely have had a financial safety net - my parents always assisted with grocery money if I needed it - when I was married, that definitely was not only a safety net, but also got me in a lot of bad habits.
Since my divorce, my parents have assisted with cell phone, car insurance, and letting me live with them for a few months when I moved back to the US. I know that if something happened, they would absolutely assist with a place to live if I needed it.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. As previous MDs have noted, my parents have assisted with assorted checks when my dad got a bonus, and they have always been extremely generous with holiday $.
Section One: Assets and Debt Retirement Balance (and how you got there):
$33,194.67 (up from $23,800 in February 2020) This is a combo of Stash Retire ($1721.52), 401K from a previous job ($17,330.01), retirement accounts from my current job ($2807.58 in my optional IRA to which I contribute extra; $2947.46 in the basic retirement plan, to which my employer contributes 7%), and TSP from a previous job ($8,388.10).
Savings account balance:
$1000 Checking account balance: $1381.07 (at the start of the money diary) Credit card debt (and how you accumulated it):
$7,558.08 (focus has been more on student loans, plus I am a bit guilty of using it at random points) (down from $19,556 in June 2019).
Student loan debt (for what degree): Current remaining balance is
$972.57!!!!! This is down from $23,645.37 in June 2019) (combined loans for undergraduate and graduate degrees in International Relations. To give you an idea of how much I’ve paid off - I’ve paid $118,297.81 off up to this point).
*note: December was a PHENOMENAL debt payment month for me (just over $4k).
Section Two: Income Main Job Monthly Take Home: $2847.53 *after using the IRS refund calculator, it became clear that I was expecting a much higher refund, so I stopped having extra withheld. Eventually I’ll get the hang of it.
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: $1442.72 (average monthly take home August-December 2020) My retail job fully reopened, and I also applied for, and got a promotion, which meant both an hourly raise and more hours) Any Other Monthly Income Here:
- Christmas $ from Mom & Dad - $1000
- Stimulus Checks - $1200 + $600 (Both of these went mainly to debt repayment)
Section Three: Expenses Rent / Mortgage $980.00/month (+ $3.95 service charge when I pay online) (no change)
Retirement contribution:
$115.58/month Roth IRA from work +
$80.00/month into Stash Retire (no change)
Savings contribution: $0/month (Debt payments are the priority)
Investment contribution: None Health/Dental/Vision Insurance: $76.38/month (Through work, it gets taken out biweekly)
FSA contribution: $27.78 biweekly (I set my annual contribution at $750 this year, up from $600)
Debt payments Student Loan minimums: $55.54 is strictly the minimum for my FINAL (!!!) student loan, but as you all know by now, I have been attacking these with a vengeance and plan on this being gone no later than March.
Credit Card minimums:
Avg. Monthly Payment $300. (as mentioned in the debt section, I have slipped slightly on allowing myself to use the credit card, but still have been able to lower my overall amount)
Wifi/Cable/Landline:
$64.99/month Cellphone: Still on the parental plan, but will be transitioning off. I’m shopping around and have started to budget.
Subscriptions: Apple storage -
$2.99/month; Netflix-
$8.99; (even though I’ve been able to be at home much much more, we still get a monthly barkbox for the toys; Spotify Premium -
$9.99/month. Headspace -
$14.99/month. Renaissance Periodization -
$16.19/month Laundry (if you pay per load)
: $40/month. I put aside $10 per paycheck.
Gym membership $75/month - I budget this much for my ROMWOD and Movement Vault monthly subscriptions. This also covers my monthly subscription for my WHOOP band. My retail side gig also provides
$225/month to work out. This covers my monthly membership to my crossfit gym, as well as extra megaformer classes.
$32.63/month for WHOOP; $13.95/month for ROMWOD; $9.99/month for Movement vault Pet expenses:
$150/month - includes pet insurance. This is what I put into my budget for insurance, food, grooming etc.)
Barkbox 31.54/month; Pet insurance $79.24 Car payment / insurance / average gas:$100/month (as my dad plans on retiring within the next year, he will be signing over my car to me, meaning that I will be taking on my insurance. I fully acknowledge that this has been nice to not have to worry about, and that my parents have been absolutely amazing. The current annual insurance for my car looks like it will be around $450. Future money diaries will take this into account.
Renter insurance: $12.50/month Average groceries / household supply spend; Looking at YNAB, my average spend has been just over $700/month. This seems insanely high for one person, but I do also follow a RP meal plan, meaning that I tend to eat A LOT to fuel my workouts. I also haven’t gone out basically at all ….
Regular therapy: N/A
Charitable Giving: $75/avg. August-Dec 2020 (Much of this was “rage” donating in the run up to the election)
Annual Expenses: YNAB (You Need A Budget): $83.99/year
NB: Anytime I leave my house, I am masked, including gym visits. It’s honestly not terrible once you find a mask that works for you! Day 1: Friday 5:45am: Alarm goes off and I get up to put the kettle on to start coffee. Today is a weigh in and weekly review for my meal/training plan, so I enter my numbers and see what my upcoming week will look like as far as my macros. I notice that my chest/shoulder are sore, and hurt when I take a deep breath, but assume that I just slept on my arm wrong. I take out the dog, feed him, and head out to my weightlifting class.
7:30am: Nope, not just sleeping on it wrong. I make it through the lifting portion, but when we start the metcon, I have to stop because it hurts too much to take a really deep breath, instead stretching and cheering everyone else on. Annoyed, but hopefully it’s nothing too crazy. I think it’s just a strain from my muscle up drills the day before. Once I get home, I make breakfast - a savory oatmeal with oats, cheese, chicken sausage, egg whites, and mushrooms, topped with a fried egg and za’atar seasoning from Trader Joe’s. YUM. I log into work and get settled in for a 2 hour (ugh) staff meeting.
11:00am: Finally done with that. Thank goodness for my camera getting to be off. I take a shower and get into “work” clothes - aka lululemon from top to bottom (align leggings, ebb to street crop tank, and a sit in lotus wrap). Back to work until it’s time for lunch, which I have just after noon (rice, sweet potatoes, bell peppers, and ground beef, topped with avocado). Work continues afterwards.
2:00pm: Time for work #2! It’s a fairly uneventful (and slow) afternoon/evening, which is ok after the craziness of the holiday season. And I only have to tell 2 people to put their masks on over their nose and they don’t give me an attitude - woohoo! Around 5 I eat my food on my 10 minute break - another taco-ish bowl, just without the avocado from earlier. I get out from work at 7:30pm.
8:00pm: Home, take the pooch out and feed him and make my casein hot chocolate (casein protein is a slower digesting type vs. whey and it’s my evening “meal” most of the time) plus a couple dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I facetime my Mom briefly and then we each put on our respective Star Wars shows - she and my Dad are watching the Mandolorian (they just got Disney+), and I’m deep into season 4 of the Clone Wars. Bedtime routine starts at 9:30 with a couple of melatonin gummies and I brush my teeth and wash my face (eye makeup remover, then Neutrogena foaming cleanser, and a nighttime moisturizer from Aldi). Snuggle up with the dog and a heating pad with a Headspace night sounds playing.
Daily Total: $0 Day 2: Saturday 5:50am: NO. It’s like 30 minutes before I want to wake up...NO.
6:10am: Uggggggh
6:20am: FINE. Dog outside, then fed. I make coffee and another savory oatmeal (AMAZING - same as yesterday, just no bell peppers). Catch up on podcasts and my YNAB budget. In happiest news, I can take a full big breath without that weird pain from yesterday! Yay!
10:00am: Home from my workout, which went amazingly - I love a good long chipper of a workout! I take the dog out for a little cold weather walk and then make my post-workout meal - Kodiak chocolate chip pancakes with blueberries! (use 1 egg and almond milk to make the pancakes and it fits my post-workout macros: 35P, 10F, 65C). I follow this with a cuddle session with the dog while watching Marple episodes and drinking coffee. I also add items to my lululemon shopping cart and exit out of it before I can spend money. While I get a great discount (especially on markdowns), I know I don’t really NEED anything, so I don’t get anything.
1:00pm: Off to the mall for work. I stop on the way to fill the gas tank (
$25). It’s a busy day, but a good one - during my break I eat my taco bowl (rice, sweet potatoes, ground beef, peppers and avocado). I work until 7:30pm.
8:00pm: Home, dog out, casein hot chocolate - the usual. I’m nothing if not a creature of habit. I pull out a Trader Joe’s chocolate croissant to prove overnight in the oven. Bedtime is around 10pm.
Daily Total: $25 Day 3: Sunday 7:50am: Whoooops, I intended to wake up around 7:15, but I didn’t actually set the alarm. Luckily the dog wakes me up with a polite whine - I take him out, make coffee and a bowl of oatmeal (oats, almond milk, egg whites, topped with blueberries), and head to my workout around 9.
11:00am: 2 workout classes later, I’m home - post workout meal is the aforementioned chocolate croissant, and a little egg scramble of egg whites, mushrooms, chicken sausage and broccoli. The afternoon is spent with old Miss Marple episodes on Amazon Prime, combined with laundry and apartment cleaning.
3:00pm: I made a quick loaf of bread (2 hrs of rising, then shaping) and put it in the oven. Happily it turns out pretty damn tasty - I make Trader Joe’s Cippino (seafood soup) and have that with toasted fresh bread around 4/4:30pm. A Clone Wars marathon ensues - the Bills are playing in the AFC championship tonight, so the city is basically a giant ball of nerves. I don’t watch the games (and haven’t all season - mostly because I don’t have all the apps/cable), but I follow the score on my phone while watching many (MANY) episodes of Clone Wars. I facetime my mom and dad around 7 after they finish the Mandolorian and we can all squeal with excitement.
9:00pm: Melatonin gummies, contacts out, teeth brushed, face washed, bedtime.
Daily Total: $0 Day 4: Monday 5:45am: Awake, coffee, take the dog out, head to crossfit.
7:30am: Home, dog out again, then breakfast (homemade toast, everything but the bagel smoked salmon, scrambled egg+egg whites) and more coffee. I login to work at 8am, and get the morning podcasts going (Up First, the Daily, Post Reports, the Intelligence).
10:00am: I place a Target pickup order for the snacks for our break area at the mall (seltzer, peanut butter crackers, cookies, granola bars - all single serving packs). I will be reimbursed for this by the store. (
$39.57 - I get a notice that an item isn’t available after I place the order...oh well)
11:00am: I’m traveling out of state for a couple of days - it’s a long awaited tattoo coverup (don’t get a tattoo for a significant other….I knew not to do this...and yet I still did), so I make my list of items to pack and things to remember to do (take out trash, do all my dishes, etc). I will be driving to my destination (Indiana), staying at a hotel by myself, going to the tattoo shop (masked), and back to the hotel. Not telling friends I’m there, not going out anywhere. And I’ve scheduled a test for 4 days after my return, per NYS rules. If I could make the drive nonstop, I would, but your girl isn’t giving herself a UTI lol. I’ll be masked and sanitized anytime I step out of my vehicle. Still super nervous, but getting this tattoo covered up is like….the final FINAL step. I also take a shower (finally, yes I’m gross and have been sitting in my workout clothes since I got home - god help me if I ever live with a human again lol).
2:00pm: Time for head out for work! On the way, I pick up my previously mentioned Target order, and also pick up meals for my trip from a local meal prep place - I get a bunch of great stuff (2 breakfasts, 2 dinners, 1 lunch plus energy bites for the car), plus it means that I can just hermit it up in the hotel room apart from the actual tattoo appointment. (
$62.68). I get to the mall early before my shift starts - since I know I’ll have a tub in the hotel room, and I don’t have one in my apartment, I get a couple of bath bombs and lotion from Lush (
$25.93) and a whole bunch of sheet masks from Sephora (
$25.01). Then time for work - It’s a fairly quick shift, which is nice, not too terribly busy and we get a lot done. And people at the mall are generally not pills today - epic win!
8:15pm: Home from work - take the dog out and have a little evening meal of homemade soup from my co-worker (it’s a kale sausage soup her husband makes and it is AMAZING) and the rest of my homemade bread. I finish packing up and the poor pup definitely knows something is up. Bedtime around 10pm.
Daily Total: $153.19 Day 5: Tuesday 5:45am: Alarm, dog, coffee. Rather than dirtying dishes, I heat up one of the prepped breakfasts I brought (a breakfast sandwich with chicken, which is actually quite tasty - plus some blueberries). I get the car loaded up with my stuff and the dog - he’s staying with my parents while I’m gone - and head out by 7:15am. After I drop him off I top off my gas tank (
$14.10), and also get a couple of bubly waters and a can of death wish coffee for the road (
$6.25).
12:00pm: Lunch stop at panera - fuji apple chicken salad and a cup of chicken noodle soup - drive thru and eaten in the car (
$10.94, but I have a gift card). Road Trip Podcasts: You’re Wrong About and Noble Blood.
3:00pm: Gas stop (there’s also a few bathroom stops, but since I didn’t spend anything, it’s not terribly relevant, right? :) ) (
$27.01).
5:30pm: Arrival! Check in to the hotel - masked front desk employee, check. Bring my stuff up to my room, and jackpot - biiiiiiiiig tub. Looks like those bath bombs were a solid choice! Open up the work laptop to see if there is anything urgent - nothing crazy - and decide which meal I want for dinner. Bourbon Chicken with Broccoli and Sweet Potatoes it is. Plus a Sparkling Apple Cider vinegar beverage (ginger and lemon) from Trader Joes. Before I eat, I do a lower body focused stretching routine from ROMWOD since I spent so long in the car.
7:30pm: Bath Bomb, Face Mask, Feet Mask, and finished Night Stalker on Netflix. Since I’ll be quarantining until I get a negative COVID test after my trip, I order 10 meals through the same meal prep company that I got my travel meals from (
$88.43 - includes both delivery fee and tip). They will be delivered on Sunday.
Daily Total: $146.73 Day 6: Wednesday 6:00am - I had intended to sleep longer, but my body is like - nope, you’re waking up at the same time no matter what. Coffee (keurig in the hotel room - ick) plus a prepped breakfast (a goat cheese egg white scramble with sweet potatoes - which is delicious). Morning podcasts and I open up the work laptop. Since I’m awake I guess.
7:30am: Hotel room workout - I do yesterday’s workout from my gym, with a few modifications, but it still feels great to move after sitting in the car for so long! Shower afterwards, then food (Mexican Taco Bowl!) and work.
10:30am: Squuuuueeee it’s time for my tattoo. I double mask up, drive through for a Starbucks order (
$4.74 - paid for on my Starbucks app with previously loaded funds) and head to the shop! I already paid my deposit and took advantage of a gift card sale before Christmas so I don’t owe anything additional today. We do linework, shading, and partial color. It’s going to take 2 appointments to do the full thing, so we make my next appointment for May (augh, I cannot wait!). My coverup is over black text, so a cover up involves a LOT of layering of color. I’m impressed that I still have stamina after not getting a tattoo for nearly 3 years.This is going to be BEAUTIFUL.
2:30pm: After my tattoo appointment, I make a quick stop at CVS (still double masked!) to pick up aquaphor, orange dial soap, ibuprofen, and toothpaste (cause naturally that’s the one thing I forgot to pack - d’oh) (
$22.00). I make a curbside pickup order for Panera - another soup and salad combo (
$10.55 - again paid for with gift cards!). I head back to my hotel room, eat, put on more podcasts (Planet Money, Can He Do That, Code Switch) and log onto work. An uneventful afternoon follows.
6:00pm: Facetime call with my mom, then dinner and various true crime documentaries on Netflix and Pinterest browsing because as per usual, now I want allll the tattoos. I also put in an order for a grocery pickup on my way home (coffee, coffee creamer, fruit, etc) (
$66.82). I try to make a testing appointment through NYS for my return COVID test on Monday, but the automated system keeps putting me in the first available, which is Friday….I’ll try to schedule again on Friday so that the timing works. Bedtime tattoo routine of wash, aquaphor and ibuprofen, as well as a sheet face mask. Sleep around 10:00pm.
Daily Total: $104.11 Day 7: Thursday 6:00am: Welp, up and at em! I finish packing all my stuff, check out of the hotel and warm up the car. I head out around 7:00am. Top off the gas tank (
$12.80) and I also add
$15 to my Starbucks card and drive thru a Starbucks (Spinach Feta Wrap + Cafe Misto with almond milk). Then it’s time for podcasts and lots of driving. My mom had suggested a podcast from Serial - S*%*Town. IT’S AMAZING and this drive has never gone so fast!
11:00am: (or sometime around this time) Stop for gas (
$27.01) and another Starbucks stop (
$15 reload) to get another misto, a bottle of water, and a fruit/cheese/hard boiled egg box.
3:00pm: I was going to try to make it all the way without stopping for anything else, but my stomach is about to eat itself. I stop at a Tim Hortons about 45 minutes away from my parents’ house and get timbits and a hot chocolate (which is gross) (
$6.66 - eeep). I get to my parents’ house - my mom and dad stay upstairs and in the basement respectively while I use the bathroom and retrieve a very happy pup. Once I get everything out to the car, my mom and dad come outside (double masked, as am I) and we quickly wave and air hug from a distance. On the way home, I drive through the grocery pickup and get my groceries.
5:30pm: Finally home. The dog is very happy to be home too - my mom said when she would come into the bedroom where he was, he would look at her and be - “oh…..just you…”. Such a momma’s boy :) Dinner is actual food (the rest of the kale sausage soup). I also put together a batch of cranberry almond biscotti (based off the Ina Garten cherry pistachio biscotti) - the apartment smells delicious. Settling in for post-travel isolation lol.
9:30pm: Melatonin gummies, tattoo upkeep, and then bedtime with the dog!
Daily Total: $76.47 Weekly Total: $505.50 Food & Drink: $326.64
Fun & Entertainment: $0
Home & Health: $22.00
Clothes & Beauty: $50.94
Transport: $105.92
Reflections: First, GODDAMN I AM SO EXCITED TO PAY OFF THIS STUDENT LOAN. Just paid another $200 on it this morning, so we’re under $800!! If you hear an excited scream from the Western New York area next month, don’t worry, it’s just me.
Second, this was a higher spend week than usual, but I’m really proud to have budgeted for all of it. I had basically prepaid for the tattoo (on the gift card) and there’s still leftover for my next appointment. I had also budgeted and saved for the increased amount of gas and food.
Third, hopefully this isn’t too boring. My life pre-pandemic wasn’t terribly interesting, and it certainly isn’t now lol. I’m hoping to continue my debt payoff progress by finishing paying off my credit card debt in 2021, and start saving my 3-6 month emergency fund before starting that house down payment savings! I’m even starting to allow myself to start actually looking at Zillow.
I have been isolating since I got back - just drove through and got my COVID test, so fingers crossed for a quick reply!
Lastly, the coverup tattoo is going to be beautiful. I can’t wait for it to be finished!
Thanks for reading this whole thing!
submitted by I understand all of the identity checks (although they could be a lot clearer about how long they'll hold an image of your id for) but the rest of it is way over the top.
I'm a noob, I want to buy Nano. Looked at one exchange, it fell over on an apostrophe in a payment field (my name, it's not unusual). I code for a living and this is a big red flag. It indicates the possibility of a SQL injection exploit. Loads of other issues that indicate issues. No way to contact them or tell them nicely as support etc. is overwhelmed. Avoided that site.
On to Binance. Same ID checks, fund account, all well. Try to buy Nano, it's not listed! From an hour of Googling I found an external site that says to trade ETH for cash then trade that for Nano as they won't let you use the funds you just deposited to buy NANO, but you can buy other crypto. You can though buy NANO through a card. Still on hold to support (430 in the queue).
Now I can't buy Nano direct, I have to go through an energy hog coin to get to it. This is why I wanted to look at Nano, it's not killing the planet but I have to give the planet a bit of a kicking (buy ETH) to be able to buy Nano.
I'm not after any more exchange recommendations, I already have my funds deposited. Just having a good moan. Oh also, the charts! I don't need all that stuff. I have my cash and a crypto I would like to buy, put in my own wallet and hold for a long time before doing the reverse. There must be a startup in that, just doing it simply.
submitted by BACK TO START ->>>-
Not long after the death of the Emperor... The Skies blazed with the day's waning light. Shocks of vibrant canopy fell away before him down an unseen hillside dozens of metres below, and the understory beneath him fairly
teemed with life. Another day, another hour, he might be preparing himself to fall like a dart from the heavens and take some unsuspecting prey, but today he simply watched.
A season ago he would have been taut with nerves, or out actively romping through the dense forest in pursuit of his kin. The little ones were getting big enough to take care of themselves to an extent, or at least to come
get him when trouble outstripped their capabilities.
Finally he had the luxury of saving his energy for times of true import.
He felt the sun slink below the horizon, though its light still burned above the band of world's edge like some titanic wildfire reaching for the stars. He trilled a long, loud warning call to his offspring.
One of them echoed the call somewhere out towards the limits of his perception, and he caught the faint sound of brush rustling jovially.
Even returning home is a competition, he thought bemusedly as he listened to his children race and play-hunt their way back to him.
He kept a running list of them in his head, chittering each name to himself as the giggling nymphs darted by with breathless acknowledgements and cries of victory. The last straggler passed him by, and he gave the same sigh of relief he did every evening. Well, every
good evening.
It had been harrowing. At times his brood had gone underfed, and at others understimulated. Once he'd nearly doomed them all by giving too much food to the insatiable little polyps, almost collapsing with exhaustion during the following hunt. They'd nearly doomed
him dozens of times. They were careless with their noise, and had yet to learn the telltale signs of approaching predators. They were senseless with their exploration, and he'd spent more than one fear-soaked night out in the understory looking for lost brood after they'd all become motile. They were thoughtless with their hunger, and preventing any one from eating more than their share was a constant battle.
He'd lost
miraculously few of them, given the circumstances.
He had to keep telling himself as much.
Slowly, purposefully, he made his way towards their lair, little more than a deep crack in a stark rock cliff. Before he slithered through the opening he paused, turned to the sky.
It had been a curiously long time since the Sky-Monsters had returned to take of the allkin. Not since the tail end of the mating season, in fact. Some of his more fanciful kin and neighbours had begun to wonder if they'd be back at all. Skrikrissk, kinmother-to-all in this area, strictly forbade the voicing of such foolishness. It did not do to tempt the Skies, after all.
Krixit vrt Skleex, widower-to-taken and perhaps the most successful single father in a generation of the allkin, knew without knowing that they were right. Knew that it was only sensible that after
she was taken that it would stop. He hadn't the slightest inkling what she'd done, but he was
proud. Proud of her, of himself for earning her partnership. Proud of the part of her that lived on in their brood.
He took a moment to remember her. The euphoria of their courtship, the concupiscous passion of their mating, the blissful afterglow that followed the laying days...
He hoped she'd made them
pay for it.
->>>-
Some time after the death of the Emperor... I am a Mark 7 "Peregrine" faster-than-light probe. This instance of my encoded exploration AI at present outpaces Vraaawk Space Navy FTL comms protocols, though my quantum heartbeat pings are still being received by my parent ship or some subsequent holder of my transponder's mate.
For approximately .7641 cycles (not accounting for relativistic time dilation) I have prosecuted my orders. My reward function has thus far had no reason to increase or withold its returns. I have initiated the compilation of this report for my hardened recording module to note another egress from super-c and the subsequent exploration of a yellow star system.
I extend my sensor modules from their protective nacelles and begin sampling the electromagnetic spectrum for anomalous sequences.
My reward function thrills at the existence of a blinding array of extracosmic transmissions. Bereft of the appropriate protocols I am unable to discern their purpose, if any. There are nearly as many sources of transmission as there are signals being transmitted. Many appear to be voidcraft, but do not communicate using any known Imperial or Vraaawk communication schemata.
I begin emitting 'friendly' IFF pings as a precaution.
I am unarmed, and if a warship mistakes me for a hostile presence I fear I will become unable to satisfy my mission parameters. Already I feel a marked increase in traffic from a number of EM bands commonly used for long distance sensors and signaling. If these presumed voidcraft are on a combat footing it may already be too late to escape.
At any rate this star system satisfies sufficient mission-relevant criteria to trigger the next phase of my orders. I reorient myself towards the third planet from the system's star as I extend my RF antenna.
This prompts an even greater barrage of EM traffic. Mindful of maintaining passive posturing, and in spite of my disappointingly low velocity, I do not accelerate towards the planet.
My RF antenna reaches full extension and I begin a series of transmissions in the 30-300kHz range. Peculiarly, these too are encoded with a protocol I am unfamiliar with. My analysis indicates that the transmission is some form of analog signal. I cannot fathom why I am compelled to use such an outdated and low-bandwidth medium, but a staggering return from my reward function washes away any vestige of curiousity I might have in a torrent of existential delight.
I am encouraged to note that I have not yet been engaged by any of the presumed voidcraft. My readings indicate that there has been an increase of EM traffic between several groups and individual craft in varying combinations. Some appear to be forming up in escort of me.
I decide to register this as a positive.
At my current velocity it will still take approximately another half-cycle to reach gravitational capture by the third planet in the system, though I am hopeful that if my escort persists in this non-hostile fashion it will be safe to accelerate for brief windows.
As I settle in for the long haul I begin furtively probing the various planets and other features of the system. I dearly hope that this is not perceived as an act of reconnaisance by a hostile Navy, though I accept that without knowing more about my mission that it could indeed be such an act.
I log this report in my hardened recording module, and emit a corresponding tight-beam datablurt in the direction of Imperial space.
->>>-
AUDIO LOG !--note from intelligence: We first picked this up when the damn thing dropped into Sol just beyond Pluto's aphelion point, but it's been repeating itself ever since. Won't respond to any of our hails, didn't even seem to understand when we got some of the radio techs to rig up a reply in the LF band it's broadcasting in. I don't know where the fuck this thing came from, but Central is looking through old missing persons reports to see if the name checks out.
The transcript is below, and the audio file is attached.
---
"Hi...
My name is John Mark Hamill, and I [wet cough] I'm a
free citizen of the Earth Sphere of Influence. I don't know how long ago I was taken, but I was abducted by agents of a hostile alien empire.
I don't [pained retch] have time to explain, but this empire is unstable as Hell and I've made contact with a rebellious faction. I don't know if any of us are going to survive the night, but I told them I'd help further destabilize the situation in exchange for the favour of sending this message.
This is day zero of their revolution. I don't know what state the Empire will be in by the time you receive the message, it may be gone altogether. [Wet cough]
Fuck. The partisan leader has lead me to believe that isn't likely to be the case.
Following this message will be a translated briefing from scientists and engineers sympathetic to the rebels' cause. It will explain where to find us, lay the basis for some simplistic communication protocols, and - most importantly - contain a primer for the development of faster-than-light travel. That is not a joke, and I did not misspeak. This has existential implications for the ESoI and all of humanity. They know where we live.
Please do not disregard this message.
[Coughing fit, pained hiss, audible breath]
To my dog, I'm sorry buddy. I don't think I'm coming home. Bark 'til the neighbours come and feed you. I won't yell at you for shitting on the bathroom mat anymore.
To my mom, I love you. You tried,
really fucking hard, and I think I've done and will do some real good today. Hero shit, the stuff boys dream about. Don't be too sad that I'm gone."
---
!--note from intelligence: 'brief' is a misnomer, thank God we still had some old neural net snapshots saved for transcribing audio from analog RF. Analysis on that will be forthcoming.
This thing has been periodically pinging the planets and belts with some
sophisticated sensor tech. I know at first we wanted to laugh this off as a
very elaborate prank, but my professional assessment is that this is the real fucking deal. Send it up the chain as far as we can get it, and as quickly as possible.
->>>-
Long after the death of the Emperor... Something was coming.
Well, to be specific something was
nearby and occasionally heading in this direction, but it sounded close enough that 'coming' felt like a safe bet. It was quite unlikely that it would fail to breach the perimeter before it turned back.
It sounded big. Or at least bigger than average, which was notable.
Notable was good. Notable was
new and exciting, or at least exciting. Very little of note occurred
this close to home.
Suddenly the approaching 'it' resolved into several, the varied sound of a mixed-morphology party's footfalls on rock and softer stuff.
Yes, it was beginning to look pretty likely that they were coming, not just approaching coincidentally.
How wonderful.
It was almost more painful than the silence, hearing an approaching set of footfalls change direction and grow softer and softer once again. One could torment themselves to madness wondering after the opportunities lost...
Somewhere distant and yet right here, one of the mixed-morphology party brushed against a single invisible gossamer strand, which immediately withdrew into a hidden pore in the space above.
Like an errant strand of spider's silk dangling in a dark forest, the receding hair tickled the sensory hairs of the being who tripped it. They looked about, saw nothing, and dismissed it.
The being attached to the silken stand, on the other hand, paid very close attention indeed. An exact location allowed it to tighten the returns from its network of listening spines, and a not-inconsiderable part of its vast sepulchral bulk began to stir.
---
"Zemmy, slow down! I know you're excited for field work, but it's a maze down here.
Please try not to get separated from us and lost, the New People's Academy hasn't mapped the former arena complex at all! If our samples today are promising, and they
should be, we'll be back here for weeks or months doing a full survey, so you'll have
all the time you like to poke around the complex."
Zemsalesce poised on the tip of a hoof, slowly pirouetting with sylvan grace that would have come across as spiteful just a generation ago, but instead landed as playfully airy to the squat chillog leading the expedition.
Cheranalla chuckled and her shaggy form shook. Zemmy made a silly face as she rotated through the end of the maneuver and resumed her original heading, the rest of the team now several strides closer.
Chemret rumbled a barely-sincere dismissal of the levity, the dour schadronak carting most of the equipment as usual. Something had put her on edge since they'd entered this section of the complex. Chera chalked it up to the much larger person's heritage, claustrophobia was part and parcel of life in an Empire whose mean individual was maybe half as tall and weighed an order of magnitude less.
Things dissolved back into near-silence after that. The team got along well enough, but lugging their surveying gear was enough of a physical strain to make conversation forced and taxing.
Which is why it took several minutes and more than one part of the team noticing for anyone to acknowledge that they could hear something.
---
They
had come.
What a relief. They'd seemed intent on
just slipping by, but a felicitous choice at a fork in the tunnels had sent them straight into the heart of its territory.
It would hardly even need to carry them to it to meet them.
Meeting new life was difficult, in its current home. It accepted that the nature of its home probably drove away some fraction of the potential pool to begin with, and these little crawling things sometimes expired for lack of food and water and air alone, which was as dismaying as it was frustrating. Without its help a good many of them would have never even
made it to its chambers.
It could hear their little voices, barely a tremor against its listening spikes. Perhaps trying to make some new decision.
It reflected that it must be very difficult to reach consensus without access to another's neural complex.
It had enjoyed the luxury of a direct tether and
still disagreed readily enough with its progenitor, and the
instant the tether had been severed it had been forced into open warfare.
Now it was even worse. The small things didn't even
have access nodes for
their neural circuitry, and despite several attempted conversations with past guests the preythings tended to simply expire when exposed to its voice in the confines of the tunnels it had bored into its progenitor's mountainous corpse. It had a sneaking suspicion that if it hadn't made a habit of politely but firmly refusing any attempts to leave that it would never have any company at all.
Save for the bits of [18Hz:2.5s-31Hz:1.7s-24Hz:2s] that persisted still, of course. Much of the great creature had already grown still, ossified. Like a terrestrial reef, dirt and rain and an entire
ecosystem of cthonic micro and macro-organisms had seeped and grown its way in through the cracks and holes.
That had been food enough to power the voracious corpse for tens of thousands of lightspan-darkspans. Though much of what had survived the collapse of the apex's central consciousness was now silent a considerable network of limbs, sensory organs and neural substrate still held together. Some of it was near-mindless, simply performing its pre-death function in sufficient abundance of resources to continue to succeed. Some of the dead giant, on the other limb, had taken on new life.
Through this odd, semi-sentient network it was able to extend itself. Taste the tunnelled recesses through other senses, snare prey and erstwhile guests as they strayed through certain parts of the system, even access old memories and thoughtscapes stored in different places. Some of
those it had to avoid as a matter of life or death.
They still remembered how to fight as surely as they must have after [18Hz:2.5s-31Hz:1.7s-24Hz:2s]'s first communion.
Oh well, with the sort of time it had to work with there was little to be done but to keep trying and learn what it could. Without that strange, dangerous resource to tap it would have died or gone sporocyst of hunger long ago. It had been hiding, growing and surviving since its goodbye with its parent. Hoping, too, but that was growing more difficult with each 'span given its limited picture of its surroundings.
It had stark memories of heat and pain, of marvels it could not explain, that had been left to it by the dying apex. It could not simply erupt from the guts of the land, battle-limbs flashing and roaring in fury. This was
not the world it knew. That it remembered but had never lived in. It was writing a new chapter in the long history of the apices, and it would be shameful indeed to fail itself and its kind.
Early on in its time here some of the little things had brought their heat and pain with them, and it had learned very quickly how to sort the more dangerous ones from the rest. Though they still occasionally brought their sculpted metal tools with them the preythings seemed to have changed intentions. Some wandered down here with little more than the woven fibres they used for protective carapace and small silicate bulbs filled with ethanol.
This new group carried an odd collection with them, from the sound of it, but nothing that thrummed with the ill-concealed power of their strange weapons.
A bit of a relief, that. Thus far it had felt nothing like the existential dread that had accompanied its hurried birth and the loss of its progenitor, but pain and dismay enough had been visited on it by its earlier guests to warrant an abundance of caution. Bitterly it recalled a long list of unmet sets of footfalls, wandering away tantalizingly unaware of the grand opportunity they were passing up.
No matter, it thought with a baleful sort of contentment,
for that which has passed fades and decays, but there are always new opportunities that arise and shine. ---
"I'm
serious, this is getting
creepy. Don't any of
you get the sense we're being watched
too?" the vraaawk asked, too young and idealistic - and hopelessly and unrequitedly in love with one of them - to be frustrated by his inability to simply order these hardheaded former-subjugates around.
"It
is creepy," Chemret boomed in agreement.
"Oh you're just saying that because you hate it underground," began Zemsalece.
"And
you're just ignoring your innate fear response because you're so happy to be out in the field instead of writing more modeling code at a terminal back at campus," rebutted the burly geology student.
Zemmy giggled musically. "That may be
sooo..." she drawled, "but if one of us has to be right, why
shouldn't it be the one advocating for more
adventure? Besides, Chera is on
my side because she needs her
samples."
The chillog shrugged. "She's right. I feel uneasy too, but that's because it's dark and cramped down here. You're being a
very good sport Chemret. We'll get the samples, and if Zem dawdles
at all after that you have my permission to pick her up and carry her back to the surface."
This earned a laugh from the schadronak and a cheeky pout from the sahalem biologist.
"I agree to your terms," Chemret said good-naturedly.
"I did
not," Zemmy harrumphed, "but I've already collected all
my samples anyway."
---
The vraaawk went missing first. Nobody was sure what happened to him, he was just with them before they moved through a large, cavernous passage, and gone after they came out the other side. They had discussed splitting up, with Zemsalece and Cheranalla continuing on to take the samples while Chemret and Yovay went to search, but ruled that the risk of at least one group getting lost was probably too great. They'd already progressed past the point that their seismically-obtained maps were of much use, which meant a single different decision by either group would result in divergent paths.
Reluctantly, they chose to call off the expedition to begin searching for Gam'ro'Naanh.
That was when Yovay disappeared too. The last thing any of his colleagues heard from him was "Hey wha-," followed by a sound that was difficult to describe but universally nauseating.
Wish you'd listened to your fear response now? Chemret thought venomously, before scolding herself. Then she was glad she'd stayed quiet, as she heard Zemsalece weeping softly.
"Chemr-ret?" the smaller woman began unsteadily, "I want to go h-home now..."
"Aye, Zemmy. Me too. I know Chera doesn't have her samples yet, but I'll still put this silly equipment down and carry you. I can carry the both of you, come closer Cheranalla." The schadronak cast aside her incredibly-expensive surveying gear and tucked the frightened scientists in close to her flanks. They clung to her like infants to a matriarch, and she curled her central grasper comfortingly around the back of the trembling sahalem.
Silently, she resolved
not to look for Gam'ro or Yovay. Vraaawk Prime had supposedly been free of natural apex predators for generations, but during the Civil War the entire system had experienced intermittent chaos for
decades. It wasn't absurd to think that something nasty might have escaped the personal hunting reserve of a slain noble and established a small population. If something dangerous and hungry had them she was
far more use to them getting help than she was trying to fight it in its chosen territory.
She suspected Chera would agree with the decision, but Zem was
much too fragile at the moment to even consider that sort of morbid calculus.
Chemret loped along, thinking furiously and praying she didn't make a wrong turn. She hesitated at a fork, and felt Chera pat her gently to indicate the right direction. The schadronak breathed an inaudible thanks, grateful that
someone was paying good attention. She wondered if their unflappable expedition lead was actually handling the situation better than her.
It was as she processed this gratitude, cruising through a passage that lead them nearly to the section of tunnels that had already been mapped in person, when it finally caught them. A bank of dangling tendrils that looked for all the world like a simple shadowed wall at first glance sprang to life. Before any of the scientists could even cry out they'd been captured and separated, and then they were slowly passed from one undulating appendage to the next as they were drawn deeper into the tunnels.
---
Well that was that. Its latest set of acquaintances had been a bit of a disappointment, in one sense. A slim majority had perished before it could even shepherd them back to its central chamber! Not one to be discouraged, it had deposited the bodies in one of its digestive ossuaries and refocused itself on the survivors.
One hadn't lasted long after that. The tiny thing had tried talking to it, crying out at various volumes during its meticulous inspection, but the preything had gone silent when it tried to speak back. Too late the idea had occurred to it to attempt communion, but the thing
completely lacked an external love-beak for neural coupling and any brain tissue had been long still and silent by the time it produced an electromagnetic wand-limb to try and find where to begin an
internal coupling.
The final survivor lasted a good while longer, and though the little creature
had died before it had a chance to test its new-growth appendage, a furtive practice run of its new 'mind-spike' tendril on the corpse had been incredibly promising.
The coupling had provided absolute
nonsense of course, but it had experience enough with that from trying to connect to dead sections of [18Hz:2.5s-31Hz:1.7s-24Hz:2s]. The important thing was that it had
worked, that it had provided
something.
It would probably take a very long time to refine the process, but time was - fortunately - something it had nigh-inconceivable amounts of. Guests was a slightly less tractable problem, but on a long enough timescale it would have more than enough of them too.
Whether it took ten, a hundred, a thousand tries, it was going to learn to
talk to them.
->>>-
Immediately after the death of the Emperor... Graath'vam'Zar shook his head, laughing quietly to himself.
Fucking monkey mentalist... Just a few paces ahead of him his mate's waist swung hypnotically as she strode across the rooftop landing pad. In a moment she'd turn back and catch him 'mirin', and only because she'd seen the deadly seriousness written in his gaze, heard it in his voice as he ushered her out of their modest apartment and up the stairwell would she refrain from scolding him for staring at her rump before asking about her day.
Sure enough, she turned, but instead of mischievous admonishment he only saw uncertainty and fear. He reached out, tenderly stroked her delicate facial scales with the back of a claw, and decided not to hurry her for just one moment. "Peace, love. We are going to be fine."
"
You might be," she huffed, "but I don't have the first clue what the
fuck is going on, Graath. You call me in a near-panic, telling me the Emperor's airship has gone down or some
nonsense and to pack our bags and be ready for you. Then you show up
armed, with a fucking
flyer on the roof of our
building like this is a damned operation or something! You're still wearing your uniform, baby! That is
battle armour!"
This is just security-weave, oh to actually have my battle suit, he thought longingly to himself but wisely did not say. Instead he said, "The airship
did go down, and we need to get out of the city as quickly as possible. This is going to be really bad, Veth, but I know a place out in the country we can go that is well hidden and well stocked. The owner doesn't need it any more."
As he spoke he tossed their luggage in a fuselage compartment and began to herd his mate up the embarcation ramp. She dug in her talons and began to resist before she was aboard.
"Graath,
stop for a microcycle. If it's going to be so bad
why aren't you with the Baron right now? Whose flyer is this?" she hissed.
He shrugged, made a noncommittal sound at the back of his throat. "It's the Baron's flyer, just get aboard."
She ducked through the door to the luxurious interior, and turned when she saw that it was empty.
"
Where is the Baron, Graath?" she demanded.
He grunted as he slammed the hatch behind him and threw himself into the cockpit.
"The Baron's dead, baby," he said, opening the throttle and feeling the roar of the engines translate through the frame of the craft.
"The Baron's dead."
->>>-
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